I'm sorry to hear that, but I did appreciate the play on words you made :).

These are certainly some severe issues you encountered, and it's probably a long-shot but perhaps you can share more details at https://forums.malwarebytes.com/forum/254-firefox/ ?
I'm curious about:
- Hardware details (Ram, CPU, GPU etc.)
- Firefox version info
- Any other add-ons installed that could be creating a conflict